"If you didn't have fractions, you'd have to eat the whole watermelon every time."
--Rich Valley High School algebra teacher Allen Love who responded with this whenever my class whined about having to do any math problems with fractions in them

From Webb or George Bradfute: "You might think we're stupid, but you're not the only one who feels that way!"

Life's tough. It's even tougher if you are stupid. - John Wayne

"A man may be a fool, and not know it, but not if he is married."

Webb's February show at 3rd & Lindsley featured Webb, Tony, *and* George playing guitar. Webb and Tony got out their capos for one song (I never can remember which one it is), and Webb asked George if he was going to get one. George shook his head and, after a beat, Webb leans into the mic and says, "Guitar George. He knows all the chords."

I thought it was hilarious, and apropos, but I think many of the audience either didn't hear it or didn't get the reference.

Hunter

"I'm never getting married again. I'll just find a woman I hate, and give her a house." Lewis Grizzard

In drivers ed class Mr Ivory Steffey asked the question what would you do if someone didn't dim their lights? Rex Woods answered I'd flash mine back at them. Mr Steffey's quotable line " It's better to have one blind fool on the highway than two".

"I'll never forget us running to escape the gunfire" - HRC

"I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to Earth." - John F. Kennedy

"Houston, Tranquility Base here....the Eagle has Landed" - Neil Armstrong.....the first thing said on the surface of the moon.

"Jack, let's get this mother out of here." - Gene Cernan to Harrison "Jack" Schmitt.....the last thing said on the surface of the moon.

Mr. Heitholt, football coach teaching the guy's "health" class in junior high, after describing the male reproductive system: "That's it in a nutshell".

>>, "Guitar George. He knows all the chords."
That's funny! Wish I'd been there for that! I would've been rolling on the floor laughing! I've always thought of Mr. Bradfute as 'Guitar George' vis-a-vis the Dire Straits lyric! However I could not say for absolutely certain he knows ALL the chords, but WW would know, now wouldn't he? In fact I bet he's invented a few chords!

>> "That's it in a nutshell"
So to speak!

"We're all playing the same music folks...I'm just banging on the other side of the drum."
Willie York, Homeless Man (willieyork.com)

Upon hearing anyone saying "sh*t":

"First you say it, then you do it." Sharon Thompsen

"We'll be this right after back." - Radio show host Rick Dees

"Pomp and Circumstance played in my head the last time I walked to the principal's office at Hattiesburg High." - Webb Wilder

"If it's illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail!"
-Kurt Cobain

Uncle Jed: "Boy wher'd you get the wood to build that box?"
Jethro: "Out of Miss Drysdale's yard."
Uncle Jed: "Miss Drysdales yard?!!"
Jethro: "Don't worry Pa. I nawed the stump so it looked like a beaver done it."

"The critics like Elvis Costello because the critics look like Elvis Costello", D.L. Roth

"got my mind on my money and my money on my mind"
- P Diddy

It ain't what you do, it's the way how you do it.
It ain't what you eat, it's the way how you chew it.
Richard Penniman

You got to use what you got to get what you want.
James Brown

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. - PJ O'Rourke

They have found a new food which reduces a woman's sex drive by 90%. it's called "Wedding Cake."

"You can look north and still see south" .. Webb Wilder in Scattergun

"You can lock me up in jail and throw away the key, but you can't keep my face from breaking out" Gram Parsons?

"We go home on Monday but, we've had a GAS this time!"- Steve Marriott (Humble Pie) -"Performance: Rockin' the Fillmore."

"Elvis was a tidal wave", Joe Strummer

"boy don't they teach fractions in school anymore" my dad on asking for a half glass of milk and bringing him a full one

"Information is not knowledge,
Knowledge is not wisdom,
Wisdom is not truth,
Truth is not beauty,
Beauty is not love,
Love is not music
and Music is THE BEST
FZ

Dean Vernon Wormer: "Miss-ter. Blutarsky: Zero POINT Zero."

That's such a great line, Bluto, that I'd recently included it in a totally unrelated thread :-) ... kinda reminds me of MY first year in college .....

"More beans Mr. Taggart?"
Taggart = "I'd say you've had enough" - Blazing Saddles

"I'd keep playin' - I don't think the hard stuffs going to come down for a while." Carl from Caddyshack.

E

"The teacher said, anybody gotta go to the bathroom, raise your hand. I said, 'How's that supposed to stop it?'"

Dylan, in between tunes on Theme Time Radio Hour.

"Damned if you do, Damned if you don't"
Bart Simpson

" What we got here is...failure to communicate". Strother Martin

Sheriff Branford - "The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation."

Sheriff Buford T. Justice - "The @#$%@! Germans got nothin' to do with it!"

" I have a pool and a pond. The pond would be nice for you." Ty Webb to Carl Spangler.... Caddyshack

"work , work, work, work , work" following up on the Blazing Saddles theme...

" Few are those that see with their own eyes, and feel with their own hearts"......AE

"An efficient army buries its dead."

"That's why it's good to be me." - Gene Simmons

Don't know how quotable this is, but last night at Third & Lindsley, Webb remarked about our presence at the Chicken & Egg Festival saying, "Glen and Brenda, doing their part for poultry." You can adapt that for your own chicken consumption.

Also, we were really close to the stage last night, and you can quote me when I say this: "Webb didn't spit on us when he sang." And we do appreciate that..

Brenda

"I'm not half the man I used to be" - Paul McCartney

"Madonna is a thimble full of talent on an ocean of ambition."- Mick Jagger

"Nail that sticks out, gets the hammer" -Chinese Proverb

Jeroma k Jerome " i like work. it fascinates me. I can sit and look at for hours."

taken from a memo pad someone gave me,: How one earth did i get here , and who are all these people asking me questions."

"I'll have burnt toast and a rotten egg. I've got a tape worm and that's good enough for him." Moe Howard

"You were in Frisco while they installed the Hot Tub! Weren't cha !----Lee Ving

from the Wizard of Id ....King" is that Sir Rodney with a guitar", Squire" He's off to slay a dragon" ..King" with a guitar"..Squre " Have you heard Sir Rodney Play"

"If you aint cheating, you aint tryin'"
"It takes me all night to do what I used to do all night long"
" I aint drunk... I'm just drinking"
"Instant gratification takes too long"